Everyone knows these guys in one form or another. This will be a work in progress, updated whenever I feel like it.
- The Old Guy
This is a dude that grew up playing video games and hit his peak around 1998 in Team Fortress. He doggedly has continued to play games that he sucks at, thinking that he can still hang with the 14 year old losers.
- The Punk
A high school aged kid that is really good and knows it. He constantly talks about how great he is and there’s nothing you can say about it because you’re old and slow and you both know it.
- The Loremaster
This dude knows every fucking thing about the story of whatever game you’re playing. Try not to talk to him.
- The Guy With A Ton of Shit Going On In Real Life
The poor bastard. His wife is pregnant, he’s behind on his mortgage, he’s working 70 hours a week. Despite all this, he still wants to play games as much as possible. This results in loads of AFKs, hilarious arguments overheard on Vent, and the eventual dissolution of his marriage.
- The Dude With Nothing Going On In Real Life
He’s still in college, despite being almost 30. He lives at home or in a dumpy apartment with his girlfriend, who also games. Still retains most of his skills at games because that’s all he’s done since high school.
- The Guy On Disability
He hurt himself 15 years ago and plays games all day. Likes to complain about his various aches and pains while leveling every class in the game to max and having every achievement. Plays female characters.
- The Father/Son Team
Sickeningly plays together all the time. Father passes up on all loot so his son gets it. Father always goes to bat for son, especially when son instigates guild drama or is accused of ninjaing, etc. Usually end up in their own two man guild and wonder wtf happened.
- The Beta Tester
Has tested every game since UO from 1st phase closed beta to release. If he could decorate himself with all his beta accomplishments, he’d look like a WWII vet with a chest full of medals and ribbons. Plays his game of the moment to the utmost, ripping through content because he’s already done it all 10 times during the beta. Bitches and moans about lack of content at endgame, goes to test the next big thing. Gets back in contact with you every couple of years to let you know about this ‘bad ass game’ that’s coming out in 2025.
- The Cigarette Smoking Man
AFKs to smoke all the time, sounds like Barry White on Vent.
- The Weed Smoking Man
AFKs to smoke weed all the time, sounds like Wooderson on Vent. A lot worse player than the Cigarette Smoking Man, but he’s more fun to be around.
- The Black Guy
Everyone finds out he’s black when he takes offense to one of the youngsters dropping n-bombs left and right. Gets tons of loot and shit in the next couple weeks.
- The *insert minority* Guy
Speaks with an accent. Great player, great guy, he’s just the only one.
- The Guy That Refuses To Use Vent
Boycotts Ventrilo because Roger Wilco is a ‘superior product’ and he ‘doesn’t see the need to use voice’. Types 40 words per minute.
- The Noob (young)
Has never played this type of game before. Exists in a state of perpetual wonder and awe. Very idealistic and wants to experience everything the game has to offer. Becomes a Rager of the worst kind in 2 or 3 days.
- The Noob (old)
For whatever reason, whether a child or acquaintance’s referral, starts playing at age 40. Completely lost, never stops being lost. A game company’s most profitable customer because they buy a 5 year subscription and stop playing in disgust and bewilderment after a week.
- The Rager
One of the most identifiable stereotypes. Through a combination of hormones, lack of sex, bad manners, and being raised by a single mother, this guy plays games just so his empty heart can be tricked into feeling the only emotion that is left to him; anger. Strong possibility of being the younger half of the Father/Son team.
- The Console Gamer
Ventures off of his couch to the comfort of a recliner in search of a ‘more challenging gaming experience’. Finds out all his ‘skillz’ headshotting middle schoolers in Halo equates to shit. Adapts quickly, but goes back to play Kingdom Hearts because he can’t deal with not having a triangle button.